New Blog

Eto na. Ang bago kong bahay. Ang bago kong palasyo. Bisita kayo!

The Dark Skinned King is Back!

My blog just turned against me.

So 'eto muna. Buhay pa ako. I just need to make sure my blog's still alive.

A series of unfortunate events.

A series of unfortunate events happened to me and the people around me so I haven't really had the strength nor the motivation to blog. My apologies to those who regularly anticipate my entries (magbuhat ba). I hope my explanation will suffice.

For the past few days following my three exams, I've shifted between feelings of forlornness and melancholy. At times I feel like I'm at a loss, like my spirit has detached itself from my body and went somewhere else. At other times I feel strangely aware of everything, but it's not even a blessing because the sadness just becomes more acute, becomes more in focus.

So what's pulling me apart? I don't really know. Maybe my not-so-fascinating actuarial exam? Maybe the seeming blandness of, and consequently, my disinterest in, my recent projects in the MAP? Maybe my neverending sickness? Maybe the travesty that is Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire? Maybe it's this season's Amazing Race: Family Edition? I don't really know.

Hay buhay. I wanna see my family again. I'm sure I just need a vacation.

I can't believe this.

I feel like I'm in the Charmed episode where the Halliwells' house has turned against them. I can't even go back to my rented room because of the freaking darkness. It's almost as if a heavy invisible shield is preventing me from entering the house. It's fortunate that I go home late at night since the blackout came, or else the irritation this has caused would have been so much greater.

In other news, I'm finally done with my first run-through of the coverage for the actuarial exam! Yayness. I'm starting over, just to finally have a good grasp of the different formulas (meaning: memorize the formulas), and to acquaint myself with the different types of problems once again. After this more thorough second run-through, I'm going to answer the ACTEX multiple choice questions, then after that, I'm going to answer the past Course FM exams. I plan to accomplish all this by November 1, because it's not the only exam I'm going to take! I still have the LOMA exams to seriously consider. So: By November 2, I'm planning to study the new LOMA 280 book (for at least three days-- I'm being hopeful here), then browse through the LOMA 290 book afterwards (which I've already read some few weeks back). LOMA should be done and over with by November 6, because by November 7 and 8, we'll be taking the exams! And by November 9, I'm going to take the actuarial exam! It's going to be a hectic week of studying, but all in all, I feel good. Not because I'm confident that I'm going to have high marks (although I wish for this, too), but because this "mugging" (TM Joseph) is bringing back wonderful memories of college.

Life during the time of blackouts.

Amidst the light lies darkness. Amidst the noise lies silence. Amidst the peace lies fear.

Nothing deep there, folks. I'm just talking about the unusual blackout in our house. Imagine this: among all the houses in our neighborhood, ours is the only one afflicted with the power shortage. Now that's not the only thing strange about it. Apparently, not every room in our house is in a state of darkness. The landlady's room and her apo's room are pretty much well-"electrocuted". I don't know how something like that could possibly happen, so it was fortunate that the house assistant approached me and informed me that a post or a fuse or a meter exploded... or something like that. I am not sure if I'm convinced. The reason for the power shortage is beside the point, anyway. It's just damn depressing. Not only does this effectively disable me from studying, but more important, it effectively prevents me from watching Pinoy Big Brother. That's really frustrating, I'm sure everyone will agree. Hee.

Anyway, since being in a room with one lit candle is not my idea of spending a fun night, I decided that it's time to haul my ass over to the most convenient Internet cafe and update my not-so-neglected blog. I don't really have a concrete blog entry in mind, so I'm just going to pollute this one with random thoughts.

Random Thought 1: I hate Unilever commercials. Do they really have to end ALL their commercials with "By Unilever"? I just used to be annoyed with it, but now it's torture. Add the glaring fact that Unilever seems to have cranked the commercial level up for these past few years, gaining a 99.99% share of all the ads being shown on TV, and you'll understand where my pain is coming from. It's appalling to hear me longingly wish for those days when P&G reigned supreme.

Random Thought 2: (related to RT1) I hate beauty commercials in general and shampoo and soap commercials in particular. That long, glisteningly strong, dandruff-free hair? FAKE. Those white and creamy thighs? FAKE. That face that can launch a thousand ships? FAKE. FAKEFAKEFAKE. Special mention must be given to Rejoice Long, not only for creating the most insipid product name, but also for releasing the most inane commercial shot yet: the half-whispered "Trainee din ako" combined with the soap operatic facing-the-camera-while-talking pose. Insane, just utterly insane.

Random Thought 3: I've forgotten how stressing examinations can be. Now I'm remembering the struggle of it all. The LOMA exams are nearing, and the actuarial exam is approaching nearer still. Gawd. All of "mah girls" are contributing their rightful share in multiplying THE FEAR (TM) in my system (as well as in their systems, come to think of it), so there's no lack of pressure there. Add into the mix my apparent handicap in finding the right equations of value, so it's going to be a happy, happy week ahead! Yebah! *faints*

Random Thought 4: Speaking of "mah girls," I'd like to personally thank three of them, Angela, Nes, and Shirlyn, for writing me a letter that started as a joke and became a heartfelt revelation of their deepmost emotions and feelings. The effort's quite touching, to say the least. But their reaction to my response was even more heartwrenching (in a good way). I think I've expressed my gratitude in my letter, but if it's not enough, here's another: You make my day everyday, but that day was special. Thanks. :)

Enough random thoughts. Randomness makes my head whirl. MUST. HAVE. ORDER. IN. LIFE.

Melancholic.

I woke up at 8 AM today to continue studying for my actuarial exam. I cannot stand complete and utter silence while studying, so I turned my computer on to listen to some of my MP3's. You see, music helps me concentrate much better than silence can. Anyway, while solving a difficult theory of interest problem, my Winamp started playing Christmas songs. I felt very melancholic all of a sudden. What is it about Christmas songs that triggers this emotion? I guess I miss my family already, but I've been living out of the house for almost 5 years now. That's 5 Christmases, to those who really like to count. I should be accustomed to it by now, right? Apparently, that is not the case. Sigh. I wish that... never mind, I know that wish is coming true anyway. So I guess I'll just stop being melancholic and start becoming workaholic! Yebah!

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In other news, Chx got evicted last night. Sad. She was playing the game very well. I wanted Franzen to get evicted. But I knew that wouldn't happen. I just hope he loses out to Jayson in the long run. Go Jayson! :)

A day of reminder.

This realization occurred to me last night as I was leaving McDo from hours of Philo studying: I love studying. Yes, I love it. Not in the general sense of studying which means "going to school and becoming a student in a specific course for 4 years" but the particular sense of it which means "going to a place in Katipunan and becoming a nerd in a specific subject for 4 hours." It grants me a sense of accomplishment that only a few activities I do ever can give me. There's this high I feel of knowing that I, though studying, have contributed to my welfare as a student. Of course, that's some pretty deep shit, but what I'm really saying is that I have, through studying, made efforts to increase my QPI, and thus my chances of landing a good job in a good company. But then again (forgive me for correcting myself so often), that's just the long-term part of it. At that moment of studying, that's not even what I'm thinking. That high seems to stem from the fact that I have accomplished something, that I have become productive just for once. I guess that's the real reason behind it.

I wrote this in my now-defunct blog way back last year, during the onslaught of the first sem exams. Those were fucked-up times to be sure, but I'm glad I found something to hold on to during those turbulent times. Studying, of all things. Of course, I've always loved studying, but it meant something more for me then. It meant investing my self in something else than my indescribably pathetic emotions. It meant finding an outlet to unleash every ounce of hate I have accumulated in my system. Simply put, it meant saving my sanity. Without the distraction of studying, I would have never survived the semester.

I vividly remember that which I was fervently studying for during the semestral break: the impending first actuarial exam. Amidst all the troubles that were brewing in my life, I still had to study for the most important exam I would have to take. It was difficult, no doubt about that, but I managed. I managed very well, no thanks to the asshole who made my life miserable as hell.

You might be wondering why I'm torturing myself with such bad recollections. Well, I'm not torturing myself-- I'm merely remembering memories of times past. Besides, I feel that things are coming full circle. Everything that has happened then is sort-of manifesting itself now... without, thankfully and blessedly, the presence of the great evil.

First, I just heard the stupid Jasmine Trias "Love Ko 'To" song again in McDo. That is one song I would have never wanted to hear ever again in my entire life, not only because Jasmine Trias's voice sucks, but because everything that I associate with that song is pure evil. Goosebumps ran up and down my arms upon hearing the insipid song. Thank God Mecki and I didn't stay for very long.

Second, Jamie's staying in Manila for the break. Jamie and Tsikee have been my soul-strength during those times, greatly contributing to how long I was able to take all the pain. Tomorrow, Jamie and I are meeting up again, coincidentally just around the same time last year when I was calling her on the phone and drowning her with my tears and sorrows.

Third, the second actuarial exam is just around the corner. This is perhaps the strongest and clearest manifestation of last year's events. In just two weeks, I will be sitting in a room in Ayala once again, solving my brains out. And to prepare for that, I'm studying once again, just like last year. However, unlike last year, I won't be doing it in McDonald's or in Seattle's Best Katipunan-- I'll be doing it in Starbucks in Rockwell. Unlike last year, I won't be doing it with the benefit of a semestral break-- I'll be doing it amidst stressful insurance work and a few mandated holidays. Unlike last year, I won't be doing it with the heavy burden of guilt and the annoying distractions of the great evil-- I'll be doing it with peace of mind and the wonderful blessings of the Supreme Being.

As I've mentioned earlier, everything that has happened then is sort-of happening now... not only without the presence of the great evil, though, but also with, thankfully and blessedly, the presence of the most wonderful good-- love.

More on those weird urges.

I want an ear piercing. I don't know which ear, but I've been having this urge since last week. I'm trying to control myself right now, thinking that 1) my parents will probably laugh at me; 2) my friends will probably laugh at me; and 3) I haven't seen a "pierced" guy at work-- maybe it's against the Code of Conduct?

I don't what it is about these urges. The urge to drink hasn't even left me yet. If I'm not careful, I might be craving for a tattoo on my back one of these days.

[dramatic tone] What is happening to me?

Intoxicated.

Intoxication, according to dictionary.com, has three meanings. These three are: 1) stupefaction or excitement caused by the action of a chemical substance; 2) exhilaration, excitement, or euphoria; 3) poisoning by a drug or toxic substance. I have just reasons to believe that I have experienced intoxication three times over this weekend.

Let's begin with the third and first definitions. Last Friday, Angela invited us to her pre-birthday celebration in Corik's. If my memory serves me right, it's the first time I've been in a bar like that. I've been to Zirkoh, yes, but that's a comedy bar-- I won't even comment on how different comedy bars are from "real" bars. Hee. It's just that I'm not the type of person who likes going out at nights, or likes going out at all; I'd rather stay in the house and watch TV all night long. In the same vein, I'm not the type of person who drinks too much alcohol even when the event provides the opportunity for it. The last time I've drunk far beyond my capacity was during the ORSEM party after the Freshman Dorm Orientation, and that was ages ago.

Well, I guess it's needless to say at this point that, during Angela's celebration, I drank once again.

The strangest thing about it, though, is the urge that accompanied the drinking. Not that kind of urge, you of filthy minds, but the urge to just keep on drinking bottle after bottle after bottle. I even managed to get comments like "Ang lakas palang uminom nito", which I personally do not receive, like, at all, ever. I don't know what triggered this urge, but perhaps the first and third definitions of "intoxication" can help me here: San Mig Light poisoned me, induced enough stupefaction and excitement in me to let go of all my inhibitions, pushed me to just go on and on and on. Thank goodness and I was able to go home before the alcohol truly struck me-- the consequences of that happening when so many people were around would have been quuuuiiiite revealing. Hee.

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I'd like to greet Angela a very happy birthday, and a lot of thanks for that wonderful celebration. I pinned faces on a lot of the popular names, and I finally understood a lot of things I only had vague impressions about.
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The second type of "intoxication" was caused by two things: the first was Racquel's eviction from the Pinoy Big Brother house, and the second was the accomplishment of finishing all my LOMA readings.

Let's begin with the first cause. Racquel, after three consecutive nominations, finally met her match-- Cassandra Ponti, a kababayan of mine from Davao(Inangkin ba? Hee.). With a difference of only 14 percentage points between them, Racquel was finally evicted from the house. I became instantly intoxicated by this piece of news. Racquel has been pestering me with her inanity and insanity in the PBB house, and it was about time she left. She's not as bad as JB (who, by the way, received a tongue-slap from Cass's mother last night), but she can still be pretty annoying. I guess Racquel's disappearance is only unfortunate in that, unlike Rico, JB and Jenny, she won't be appearing in our TV screens for very long.

The second cause of my intoxication, that of finishing my LOMA readings, is a huge source of exhilaration, euphoria, and excitement for me. I can now finally study for my actuarial exam. It's going to be a long journey from now until November 9th, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I'm praying for two things: 1) that I'll be able to finish studying for my actuarial exam come November 9, and 2) that I won't be able to forget the things I studied for LOMA come November 7 and 8. Pray for me, too, you guys, I need it.

So much for being intoxicated now! Time to log out of this internet cafe, go back to the house, reach for my BA-II Plus Texas Instruments calculator, and start solving! Yebah! :)

Mixed Messenger.

The results from Nes's and Shirlyn's 32-Point Dating Exam are out. I am a Mixed Messenger (Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer). What's that? Read on. You might be surprised.

Just...take...the...fucking...flower...darling. The Mixed Messenger apologizes again.

You're looking for love, but you'll always maintain your independence. You're prepared for a real commitment, but it's also likely that you're ambitious, which creates a certain romantic tension and ambivalence within you. So although you can be very affectionate to someone, you are also capable of pulling some dubious shit.

In a relationship, you're usually the emotional leader. With your friends, you're a little bit more part of the pack. You're well-liked but you're not the uninhibited type, so the spotlight's often on someone else. In both social and romantic situations, however, you almost always get what you want. Influencing people is something you do very well.

Hey, whatdyaknow? It's the first time I've posted a picture, and the first time I've posted a quiz (which, personally, I'm against)! Guess the times are changing...