Or will he have... a change of heart?

Do you know that show in the ETC channel? The one where couples at the crossroads of their relationship date other people to see if they're compatible with them? Yes, that stupid show hosted by Chris Jagger and goes by the name of "Change of Heart"? I may be having precisely that: a change of heart.

First of all, this is no romantic matter. I'd like to make that clear at the onset to prevent any misunderstandings. But even though it's career-oriented (gasp) rather than love-oriented, it doesn't make thinking about it any easier.

I've written a little bit about sales work in my entry yesterday. I've written about the loneliness that threatened to make sales a less enjoyable experience, and I've written about the enlightenment of stomach and mind that exorcised that threat. What I failed to write about was while all these were happening, an idea was slowly forming inside my fickle head. "What if I went into sales?"

Two things prompted that disturbing little idea to surface in my head. One: I thoroughly enjoyed the time I spent with my bosses. While driving to Caloocan and waiting for the agents to arrive, we had conversations which I found to be delightful. I don't know what made these conversations delightful; perhaps I connected with them on a more personal level than I would have otherwise allowed myself to expect.

Two: I found sales work the most engaging and the most personal of all the work I've encountered so far. The documents I typed, the statistics I computed, the papers I studied-- all these had direct effects on actual people. People whose careers and lives depended on what the documents, statistics, and papers had to say. Agents. Agents with children to feed. Agents with children to educate.

Of course, it's too early to tell. This may just be a simple case of temporary sympathy that will fade as soon as I finish with sales. Nonetheless, a great foundation has been shaken. I've always thought that both my heart and mind leaned towards an actuarial career, after all. At this point, my mind will just have to wrestle with this possibility: if I continue to enjoy the company of my superiors and the work of an AC, my mind may remain with actuarial, but my heart will belong with sales.

That's going to be a some dilemma, all right.

That's going to be some change of heart.